From Arizona to Vietnam

Aging, travel and a love letter to my dad

Dear Readers,

As I sit here staring at the Arizona mountains, it has dawned on me that my profile pictures across all platforms are outdated. By a lot! One I know is 10 years old, another is from over 6 years ago. All were taken while I was traveling, while in a tropical location and probably on a beach. 

Most importantly, all were taken during my 40s. I’m 54 now.

I have taken selfies since I turned 50. There is proof on my phone. Why is it any time I have to upload a profile pic on any platform I immediately scroll back to 2014-2018 photos? I zoom right past any recent photos. I don’t for a moment contemplate the selfies I’ve taken at the park, in my car or my last apartment. I don’t even think about any of my cute Italian photos or fun Polish ones. 

Nope. Instead I head right for my tanned, probably sweaty, tropical photos. Always tropical. My hair is always up. I’m always wearing some form of summery top or bathing suit. 

Profiles used

Why?

Am I ashamed of my 50s self?

Was I at my happiest on those particular trips?

Are beach areas where my brain lives?

Do those trips feel most like I’m really a traveler whose relaxing and other places feel like a vacation? (there is a difference)

It has been a month since I wrote those words. In that time, I have purposely tried to take a few selfies and am never satisfied with them. I love my life but I think I may have loved my life a tad bit more in my 40s. In a few months, I will be half way through my 50s. Time to shift my mindset and fully embrace this decade before it passes me by. 

My goal is to get a picture taken of myself that embodies who I am now and get those profile pics updated. Dear readers, I ask you to hold me accountable to this goal. Minor that it may be.

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Travel

As I share the stories from my travels, they will be either Stories from the Backpack or Tales from the Road, depending on when they occurred. These stories will not be chronological. I want to share them as they bubble up and feel important to tell. I will date them so you have a time reference.

They also will not be “Best of…” or “5 Places to…” type stories. No clickbaity intentions here. Nor will the entire trip be told in one post. At least, I don’t think so.

With long term travel, there are so many stories to tell. I want to dig back into my memories and share things you might tell a friend.

Let’s get into it.

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Stories from the Backpack

(trip taken mid-October 2018 to mid-January 2019)

The Vietnam war has come up in various forms to me lately. I finished reading The Women by Kristin Hannah about female nurses in Vietnam (an excellent read, by the way). Then I had a short discussion with a reader about the book. Followed by reading “A Love Letter to Vietnam”, an article by Sarah Best and discussing with her each of our times spent there.

It seems apt to reminisce a little about Vietnam now.

You may wonder “why Vietnam?” 

As a child of the 70s, the war touched me in bits and pieces. I was far too young to have recollections of the actual war or protests or the news. I remember living on or around an Army base and that’s about it. The part that touched me was the aftereffects. 

My dad spent a tour over there. He came back without any physical or mental problems. Thankfully. We were very lucky. However, the war was a completely taboo subject in my household. We did not discuss it. Ever. I was told many times as I got older to not ask my dad about the war. And so my sister and I didn’t.

Instead, we wondered about it. Through random comments and overheard conversations, we were able to find out a very few things about his time there. Just enough to keep us guessing. I always felt like it was a part of his life that I wanted to honor and know about.

After I became a more experienced solo world traveler, Vietnam became the place I wanted to visit. I felt an intense need to see what my dad saw. Almost 50 years later. 

Would I see any effects there still from the war? As an American, how would I be treated? Would it even matter? When I announced my trip, how would my dad feel about it?

From the get-go, I knew I wanted to maximize my time there. Normally, when I travel, I prefer slow travel and would spend 30 days in one place (one town, one hostel). For this trip, my main travel goal was to spend time along the coast. Once I secured the 90-day tourist visa, it was time to tell my dad.

In his normal way, he said very little. Mainly, he said it won’t look like it did when he was there. On the other hand, my great uncle, who also fought in the war, was very excited about my upcoming trip. Maybe they had different experiences during the war, maybe they didn’t but processed those experiences differently. I don’t know. All I know is his excitement made sharing stories after the trip a lot easier. 

Readers, I hope you don’t mind but I’m skipping to the end because today’s story is about my reason and my dad. 

In the end, all it took was 40+ hours of flights, 90 days in Vietnam and the money spent to get a little more information from my dad. By prefacing the gentle questions around my travels and personal experiences, I was able to learn where he R&Red while in-country and abroad. I learned he went to the famed China Beach, a general area I also visited. He traveled to Australia and Hawai`i.

Da Nang beach

All in all, my trip to Viet Nam opened the door for us to talk gently and generally about his time there. I feel it has allowed him to share little nuggets here and there for which I am eternally grateful.

Did you know in Vietnamese they generally spell Viet Nam like this? Both ways (Vietnam and Viet Nam) are acceptable though. I used the English preferred way so as not to confuse anyone; however, since visiting the country I normally spell it Viet Nam. You will also see me using the same separation in city spellings such as Da Nang or Ha Noi. Unfortunately, my keyboard does not allow for all the markings above and below letters that the Vietnamese language uses.

As always,

Keep on trying,

Patricia

Currently:

Watching: Will Trent on Hulu, Season 2

Reading: Becoming Madam Secretary by Stephanie Dray - a Roosevelt adjacent novel about Frances Perkins who was the powerhouse within the FDR presidency. I am half way through and am captivated by this woman. This is my first Stephanie Dray book. I’m thinking it won’t be my last.

Listening: The Opportunist podcast

Previously on The Adventure List: